Always wanted to travel, but I was hesitant

How? Why? If it’s a passion why didn’t I go? And how did I start?

Hey boo 🙂 As promised, I am here with a personal story. Today there might not be any “how to” or “what to” lists. But here you will further find a story that is a real time story from my life. This time it’s one of them and it’s about travel.

I always knew I wanted it, and something in me was always calling me towards it, but there were unending blocks in me and out that wouldn’t let me. Travel has spoken to me and been keeping me “up at night”, feeling this rush of emotions when talking on it ant thinking. but why didn’t I go ?

So I will further on dive into this story (the song “story of my life” by One Direction started to sing in my mind as I wrote that word 😉 )

Nothing has changed and this space still invites your cozy, safe feelings, your candles, tea, blanket, pillow, teddy bear, and whatever you might desire for this space to be more cozy for you 🙂

And now, let’s dive in.

I used to always say no

How come? If travel is what I want, how come I always said no?

Well one of my favority reasons was money. Never having enough of it. And yes, it was a big reason. You know, I always thought that I need to spend 300 euros on every trip, that it has to be luxurios every time. And yes, I do want that. But this is not the only case in which I forgot to “begin”. Begin by going and spending just 20 on an experience, beginning and going on a budget trip. I forgot that 🙂 and a lot in me was hesitant to even accept this idea because I wanted it luxurious and only that. That will come, but I had to remember to begin.

I had this feeling that it has to be just out there and far away, that if it’s closer it doesn’t mean as much. And then a friend of mine asked me how much I have seen of my own country and the walls started to slowly drop. She asked it and then I lit up for the first time maybe when I thought of how I could activate this energy of travel here. I right then and there checked where to go. And then after a few times alone in my country I took my backpack, booked a place and went further.

This helped me to also see another layer of blocks that have held me back inside. And thank you for planting this idea and helping me open up to possibilities a little more, you know who you are 😉

I do believe that everything came for me at the right time when I was ready enough to say yes and do it. I said ready ENOUGH, not READY. Which is maybe a topic for another day.

And another reason was time. Which I totally understand. I cannot go, because I do not have time. A while ago I really did think so. And it was true for a while.

Then one more — not ready, I want someone with me. In reality ? I just had my first little solo trip.

How was my solo trip?

As this is a time of deep self exploration and learning about self, this trip happened very spontaneously. I woke up and didn’t know I was gonna go, after a couple of hours I was on my way. And honestly I loved it that way.

Just the action of going was already lighting me up. I got there and it felt right. Whilst I was there I made videos of me talking and sharing that moment, my feelings and my experience as well, which felt good to speak like that:) .

And I love to call parts of this trip “just my backpack and me”, as I was having just that with me, I was going where I wanted to, just going. And one more thing I am practicing at this very moment is to learn to be here completely. So in this trip I didn’t listen to any music, didn’t have earphones in, I smiled at other tourists, I was with my thoughts, my feelings, with the moment itself, I practiced being here and now, feeling me in the body I am in , being aware of my environment. Why is this so important to me? Because I have known how to be in the mind , how overthinking works , being in the next five minutes, being in the next task, in where I am heading, but not where I am. So in this trip I practiced to be here and now, in this step, in this minute, in this space, here.

That was a good experience and I have taken it with me after , implementing it into daily life. It’s taking me more practice, but now I know how it feels.

I felt more free, I felt how I actually enjoy it and traveling alone might be a very good idea. In this moment in time I am finding, discovering and uncovering parts of myself I haven’t yet seen, and this trip showed me some new ones as well.

I will let you know what happens next…

With love and light,

Ella Renāte